


Smile for me

by Hanavia



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 being a bro, Comfort, Does Jumin Han Is Gay?, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Love, MC is a darling, Mutual Pining, Poor Kim Yoosung, Protective Zen | Ryu Hyun, Puppy Kim Yoosung, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26373970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanavia/pseuds/Hanavia
Summary: It took him eleven days to fall in love with Hana (MC), but at the RFA party he failed to confess his feelings to her. Months later, thanks to Jumin's meddling and a misunderstanding, Yoosung gets the opportunity to get closer to her than he ever dared to dream.
Relationships: Kim Yoosung/Main Character
Kudos: 9





	1. An (un)pleasant surprise

Yoosung’s face was chalky white after that phone call. He dropped his smartphone and gazed up at the white ceiling of his room for a moment, an anxious feeling spreading across his chest. The mattress felt unusually hard and he suddenly couldn’t breathe. His mother’s words stuck in his throat and with a jerk he stood up to look at the chaos around him. “No chance...”

His mother had announced herself for this afternoon and a glance at his watch told him the shocking truth. He would not be able to handle the mess he called his modest one-room apartment in just two hours.

Chip bags, energy drinks and LOLOL prepaid cards were scattered everywhere, between mountains of dirty laundry and instant noodle packages. The once light green curtains were stained - after all, he hadn’t washed them after the accident with the coffee, and since it wasn’t in his field of vision near the desk, he kept avoiding washing them. Also the university stuff was spread all over the room.

It looked like a battlefield. Not like the guild battlegrounds he attended twice a week, no. It was nothing that could be cleaned up in two hours, and everything within him cried out to choke Jumin Han. Before he thought about it, he had the cell phone on his ear and the number of the CEO was displayed on his screen. Nervously, he walked the route from his desk to the bed and the adjoining bathroom, which was free of any garbage. But the person responsible for his suffering could not be reached.

Instead, he stormed the RFA chat room and voiced his anger. Much to his dismay, however, no one was online and if Jumin ever set foot in the RFA chat room again, he now knew exactly how Yoosung felt about his ambush.

With trembling fingers, he looked up at the clock again and then at the mess at his feet. He wouldn’t get far without at least buying trash bags at the corner supermarket. With a pounding heart and anger in his stomach, he closed the door to his apartment.

A good twenty minutes later, when he tried to open the door of his apartment in sober disillusionment, he heard someone call his name. At first he thought his mother was early, but then he recognized the dark brown hair and the bright voice of Hana.

“Yoosung! There you are,” Hana gasped and supported herself with her hands on her knees when she finally came to a halt before him. “I tried calling you! Why don’t you answer the phone?” Accusingly, she wiped herself across her sweat-covered forehead and took a deep breath.

“Hello Hana. M-my phone? I guess I left it at the apartment...” He felt a feeling of unease rise up inside him and his heart took a short leap when Hana looked up and smiled at him with relief. What was she doing here? Did she come for him?

“My goodness, I wasworried. I came into the chat just a minute after you and was totally worried about you. Is everything okay? You seemed angry.” She put her hand on his upper arm, as he was used to, with compassion and a tingling sensation spread over his skin. Through the fabric of his shirt he felt her warmth, but her penetrating gaze took him out of his daydreams.

“Jumin called my mother because he thinks my lifestyle is worrying. She is on her way and will be here in about an hour.” Yoosung was surprised at how easily words crossed his lips. Until now, his mind had been in total chaos, like his apartment, but expressing the misery only made it more real, so he panicked again.

“That’s nice of her. I mean, she wants to check up on you, right? And I’m sure Jumin didn’t think anything evil about it,” Hana tried to calm the young student, but he shook his head only reluctantly.

“First, will she stop me from playing and give me a lecture. Second, Jumin’s meddling in my life is guaranteed not to be caring and third...” Yoosung faltered. He couldn’t admit to Hana that his apartment looked like a hoarder had been living there for months. She would probably pass out as soon as she entered the hallway or throw up from the smell of the leftover food.

Even Yoosung was bothered sometimes, but as long as he spent two minutes in his apartment, he got used to it and sat down at his computer to play LOLOL for a few hours. After that, it didn’t matter much and he played until late at night, only to rush out of the house the next morning sleepily. A vicious circle.

Hana sighed softly and pushed himself into his field of vision to get him out of his daydreams. “So what?”

“It looks like a bomb went off. I have a good hour to clean up this mess and I’m wasting my time here...” His voice trembled because he was uncomfortable to admit it in front of Hana, but presumably she herself knew what the gloomy life of a gamer was like, after all, their hobbies didn’t differ too much.

She had told him that even in her free time she hardly ever left the house because she was writing her novels and therefore rarely came to other things. The two of them were very similar overall, but Yoosung knew that Hana appreciated keeping things tidy. Which is why he could never let her into his apartment. Under no circumstances. And he knew that she would promptly offer it to him.

“If that’s so, then why are you still standing here? Let me in, together we can do this for sure!” Hana’s eyes lit up and smiling, she slapped him on the back.

Yoosung sighed. He knew about her kindness, but he just couldn’t let her see this terrible side of him. For months he had been trying to become more manly, more responsible. But it wasn’t easy to get rid of a quirk like that, and that’s probably why Jumin had asked his mother to look after him. But Yoosung wanted to handle it on his own and not be lectured.

“Yoosung... let me help you. You don’t have time to be coy. I have an older brother and know how grubby boys can be. Hana smiled encouragingly and put her hand on the back of his hand, causing a tingling sensation on his skin. Abruptly he pulled away and put the key in the lock.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you...”, the blond muttered in a trembling voice. He wouldn’t be able to turn her away, Hana was too headstrong for that and Yoosung clearly lacked the arguments to discuss with her.

For the first in a long time, he was ashamed to be such a slacker when a really strange smell got into their nostrils. Uncertain, he glanced over his shoulder at Hana, who didn’t show any signs and instead stared strained at her feet.

“I’m sorry to bother you with this.” Yoosung scratched his head in embarrassment. “I’ve been letting myself go a bit lately... especially after spring break.”

“I volunteered. You have nothing to be ashamed of. We’ll work it out somehow. But we have to split up...”, Hana replied and got rid of her coat. Her school uniform appeared underneath, which Yoosung inspected for a moment. As far as he could remember, she was a third-year high school student, and was currently busy studying for her exams, but instead she stood here worrying about him. His heart took a little leap and a smile came to his lips. He had always hoped that she was interested in him, even if it was only in a friendly way.

He really couldn’t ask for more. She had helped him through so many bad moments and it was only thanks to her that he could bury Rika in his heart. He had only known Hana for a few months. She had managed to sneak into his heart in only 11 days and at the RFA party he missed the opportunity to confess his feelings to her.

Yoosung flinched as Hana’s hands reached into his jacket and she gave a startled “oops”. Her head landed between his shoulder blades and he stood still like petrified. Had she read his thoughts?

“I’m sorry. I stumbled over this thing,” Hana stammered as she freed her foot from a cable loop and pulled away from it. Her touch was unintentional but it left a shiver on his skin and it took a moment before he could control his voice enough to at least answer “No problem.”

When he glanced at her from the side, he noticed that her face was all red and she stared at her feet again. With a beating heart, Yoosung lifted the shopping bag that he had been holding tensely in his hands the whole time and grinned slightly. “It’s time I cleaned up this mess.”

Hana just nodded and followed him to the desk, where they got an overview of the chaos. “Well... the way I see it, we have to get a hold of the laundry and the food boxes first,” she started, then stared over at the curtains. “Do you have a ladder?”

Yoosung took the small ladder from the closet and Hana rolled up the sleeves of her blouse. “Too bad I didn’t bring my apron...,” Hana murmured to herself and began to stuff the first paper cups into a bag.

“M-maybe I should handle the packages... I’m sure there’s still some leftovers in there and you’re just getting dirty. If you want... w-will you do the laundry? The machine’s in the bathroom.”

“Yes, no problem.” A satisfied smile spread over Hana’s face and she grabbed the empty basket that was at the end of the bed to collect all the clothes lying on the floor. She didn’t even seem to want to ask if any of it was still clean, instead she silently did her work while Yoosung took down the curtains.

When he took a quick look at the clock, he noticed that time seemed to be running out, but the two of them would get at least twice as far, so he tried to stay calm and diligently collected the trash.

Meanwhile, Hana was busy putting laundry into the machine in the bathroom, humming to herself and was as motivated as if she actually enjoyed it. Yoosung had to grin as he walked by and watched her press the start button and sort the rest of the laundry in the basket. He knew that time was running out for him, but he couldn’t help but admire her. She was always so controlled and seemed much more mature than he was.

After all, she knew exactly what she wanted in her life and she had lived alone for a while, but her apartment was clean, comfortable and above all presentable. A few months ago, the two of them had met at her place for a game night and stayed up all night. It had felt quite natural to laugh and play together. Yoosung hadn’t felt the need to play LOLOL and instead enjoyed the time with Hana.

This evening felt like a distant memory, but he liked to think back on it. The time with Hana was precious because he seldom had the courage to persuade her to meet him on his own. He always felt like he was pushing her and she was always busy, so he spent time with LOLOL instead. Whenever she was online in the messenger, they wrote to each other and they talked on the phone every night, but Yoosung still felt like he wasn’t good enough for her. It was almost a sin to steal her time, but he knew he was selfish when it came to Hana.

Realizing that he was wasting valuable time again, he was about to dash to the apartment door as he took one last look at Hana. She was just about to smell one of his shirts and a startled sound escaped him, which also made her flinch.

“I-I... it looked so clean, I wanted to...” Hana faltered and became very pale. “It’s not some... weird fetish or anything... please believe me, Yoosung.”

Yoosung himself felt heat shoot into his cheeks. He was afraid that he would disgust Hana and think he was a creep, but there was no time for that. Nervously, he waved the bags in his hands and gestured towards the apartment door. “ Trash... it has to... get out.”

He stumbled ahead and took two or three steps at a time. Hana seemed so shocked and discomfort spread through him. Maybe he should not have let her into the apartment in the first place? His chances were bad right from the start, but now that she knew how he lived, she wouldn’t even consider him a man...

His gaze fell on the watch again. Twenty minutes... what could he manage in twenty minutes? But Hana was up there, in his apartment, working for him, although she was probably disgusted... he wouldn’t give up now.

Back in his apartment, he heard the vacuum cleaner whizzing across the carpet and Hana was dancing across the cleared floor. She had opened the windows and smiled to herself, not letting on that it disgusted her to do the dirty work here. She was an angel.

Yoosung shivered and, in the meantime, set out to clear the kitchenette of dishes, washing the few cups and forks he had used the last few days. Luckily, he didn’t have many dishes, so he was practically forced to wash every three or four days. Now and then he looked up and watched Hana free the corners from dust. She was really thorough, even sucked away the cobwebs under the ceiling.

A single bead of sweat ran down her cheek, and she wiped it away with her wrist, straining. Even with the greatest effort, with her head bright red and covered in sweat, she was beautiful.

Her long brown hair was tied into a high ponytail today, revealing the view of her neck. Yoosung noticed that her glasses were missing, but presumably she used contact lenses today and she also wore very discreet make-up. Her lips were soft pink and had this shimmer that made her look very soft. He would have loved to kiss her...

When they met, back at the party, she was wearing a burgundy cocktail dress and flashy red lipstick. By then, Yoosung had considered her much older and dismissed it as a joke that she was supposedly a high school student. Hana had assured him that there were rarely occasions for her to dress up in such a way and that she had been curious to see how everyone would react. And she had received quite a few compliments. That’s why Yoosung finally backed out, even though Seven had encouraged him...

To wallow in missed opportunities now was not a solution either. In the meantime, he had put away the dishes, cleaned the countertops and Hana was done with vacuuming. The apartment actually looked reasonably presentable.

Only his desk and the bed looked untidy.

“Do you want me to put fresh sheets on the bed?” It was as if Hana could read his mind and Yoosung grinned.

“That’s nice of you, I’ll do it myself.” He thought back to how she had smelled on his clothes and a blush was stealing down his cheeks. “I-if you want, you can sit down. It’s not that much work anymore. You’ve already done me a great favour.”

“Well... how about I tidy up your desk... although I’m sure this is your private corner... I want to help you somehow, Yoosung.” Hana wiped her skirt and then let her gaze wander. “We make a good team.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” Yoosung began to make the bed, and Hana at least wiped over the free space of the desk. They remained silent for a while.

Yoosung was about to take the laundry into the bathroom when he heard Hana’s voice. “What’s your mother like?”

“She’s nice... I think. She’s also the epitome of perfection. She runs all kinds of courses, is educated, skilled in her craft, good at cooking. But she expects the same from me, so she makes my life a little difficult. Yoosung smiled crookedly and unloaded the laundry in the bathtub.

“That sounds great... I mean, she probably just wants the best for you. I’m sure she’ll be relieved when she sees how you’re handling things.” Hana stashed the cleaning utensils in the cupboard under the sink and finally let herself sink onto Yoosung’s couch. “We did it!”

Yoosung also sat down next to her and admired the work they had done in the previous hour. “We really are a good team.”

“Did you expect anything different? So far, we’ve always managed to do what we set our minds to. Superman Yoosung and Lady Hana topple every enemy.” Hana chuckled happily and made herself comfortable on the couch. Yoosung had the feeling that she had moved up to him, but maybe his senses were just messing with him.

“Without your help with the Abyssal Nightmare Boss, I would never have gotten the legendary boots,” Yoosung finally admitted. He looked over at her and noticed that the distance really wasn’t that big. He had unconsciously put his arm on the headrest of the couch so that it was behind Hana. When she put her head back, then... she was practically in his arm. Literally.

This realization made his heart race in his chest and he was not able to move his arm. Instead, he was practically frozen into a pillar of salt and the woman of his dreams was within his grasp. Until now he had been annoyed because he had never had the guts, but on the other hand the fear of rejection had always been too strong. But would she really come so close to him if she found him disgusting?

Slowly he felt life again in his limbs and timidly he cleared his throat. “Hana? I-I... if my mother is away, then... I would like to invite you for a coffee. Or a-an ice cream? As you wish. To say thank you.”

“You know I like to hang out, right? But... I’m gonna take you up on your offer anyway. It’s long overdue for us to start going out again.” Yoosung felt a ringing in his ears and the murmur of his blood became unnaturally loud. Had he just misheard? Hana actually wanted to... go out with him? Was it... serious or was it just a friendly thing? But before he got around to asking her this question, he was surprised by a voice he knew.

His mother stood in the doorway and gave them both a stern eye. “You could have told me beforehand that I was going to meet your girlfriend. Then I would have brought her some of the handmade soap that we made together for Christmas. And since when do you forget to lock your door? Mr. Han was right, you have obviously gotten really sloppy.” 

At that moment, Yoosung hoped the earth would open up at his feet.


	2. Partners... in crime

Yoosung returned from the kitchenette with two steaming cups and then handed Hana her tea. Silence was the order of the day after his mother had put down her suitcase and sat down on the sofa with Hana. The mood was almost cloudy and Hana held the hot cup tensely in her hands. Yoosung almost felt guilty, but he couldn’t have known that his mother would come through the door at such an inopportune time and make wild assumptions.

“You’re so silent, you two,” his mother finally murmured and put down her coffee. Hana smiled shyly and sipped her tea, but in the end it was still too hot, so she burned herself and spilled it on her arm. “Ouch... ouch... ouch... darn it.”

Yoosung immediately got up and panicked. “You should put it under cold water!” Suddenly, he reached out his hand to Hana and smiled encouragingly. “This will help.”

Hana, meanwhile, accepted his hand with thanks and cursed softly, almost forgetting the presence of Yoosung’s mother and blushing slightly. “Excuse me, Mrs. Kim.” Yoosung barely smiled at his mother and accompanied Hana to the bathroom, where he closed the door behind them both before even thinking about it. It was only when he realized that he had locked himself in the bathroom alone with Hana, and how that would probably come across, that he buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, this is all so... embarrassing.”

Smiling embarrassed, the brunette held her arm under the cold water and didn’t move a muscle when the water jet hit her burn. “It’s okay, Yoosung. Your mother only cares about you. But she now believes I’m your girlfriend.” Her voice seemed startled and trembled just like his when he answered her.

“Yes, we should probably clear up the misunderstanding... otherwise she’ll keep asking you uncomfortable questions all day long, I’m afraid.” He smiled crookedly and scratched his head in embarrassment. “How’s your arm?” Worried, he took a step closer and again they were only a tiny distance apart.

“My arm is fine. I set the whole thing up so I could talk to you. I thought it would be wise to come to an understanding before one of us clears up the misunderstanding or not.” Hana laughed softly and finally dried herself. “What... do you think?”

“We clear it up, right? I mean... otherwise she’ll think we both...” Yoosung faltered and felt his mouth become dry and his heart beat faster. He had to dodge Hana’s gaze and nervously wiped the back of his hand over his lips.

“It’s okay for me... I-I mean... maybe she won’t be so worried about you anymore because you’ll have someone to take care of you,” Hana murmured and stroked a lost strand behind her ear. “You saw her suitcase, didn’t you? She’s probably planning to stay longer...”

“Really? That would be... then I wouldn’t be able to play LOLOL anymore and I would have to submit to her will, to be lectured all the time!” Yoosung nervously crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You’re absolutely right! Maybe... we should... not... clear up the misunderstanding,” he asked carefully.

“That would be my suggestion.”

Yoosung couldn’t help but grin sheepishly. Although he was not a believer, he heard the angels singing and could hardly believe his luck. Hana was willing to pretend to be his girlfriend to protect him from the exuberant mothering and that meant that they could spend the time together until then. “You would do that for me?”, the blond was obviously pleased.

“Only for you, Yoosung. And then you’ll buy me an ice cream like you promised.” The student tilted her head and gave Yoosung her best Sunday smile, after which he suddenly pulled her into a hug.

Again, he only noticed his impulsive action after he had caused the disaster, but Hana didn’t seem to mind. Instead, she laid her hands on his back and giggled embarrassed. “We should really get used to that, don’t you think?”

Ten minutes later, Yoosung had expertly bandaged Hana’s arm and the two of them sat down with Mrs. Kim.

“How are you? Did you get badly burned?” Mrs. Kim looked worried and made room for Hana directly on the sofa, watching her offspring.

“It is only a surface burn. We treated it with cooling paste, you don’t need to worry,” Yoosung replied and sat down in the armchair opposite the two women.

“Sorry for the fuss, Mrs. Kim,” Hana now stammered as well. “I can be a real handful sometimes.” She smiled sweetly and let her hand slide over the bandage. “Probably you won’t see any more of that tomorrow.”

“Call me Hyun, Hana. I feel so old otherwise,” Mrs. Kim laughed happily and brushed a few graying hairs from her forehead. “Since we are sitting here together, I’m sure I can ask a few questions, can’t I? Mr. Han called me here because he thinks you have an unhealthy lifestyle and are neglecting your studies, Yoosung.”

“Jumin exaggerates, Mom. Student life isn’t regulated like a business manager’s life,” Yoosung replied to his mother and then crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“He also said that you don’t eat regularly and that you just stuff that unhealthy food into your body. Greasy chips and instant meals,” Mrs. Kim threw in and looked over at Hana as well. “Does my boy eat well, Hana?

“Yoosung sometimes eats very one-sided food, but I cook for him from time to time and make sure he eats enough vegetables. Sometimes we also order food, but I think since we’ve been together, this has been reduced to a minimum. When I first met him, his lifestyle was like Mr. Han said.” Hana put her hands on her thighs and smiled happily at Mrs. Kim. 

Yoosung’s eyes widened and he was surprised that Hana could wrap his mother around her finger so easily, but she believed the student without question and seemed satisfied. “That sounds good. I had been worried, Yoosung was going astray. He has always been a very sensitive child...”

“Mom!”, Yoosung growled embarrassed and focused on his coffee. His mother could still embarrass him, and that drove him mad.

“Don’t be such a baby. You mustn’t hide your weaknesses from your future wife,” his mother scolded him and Yoosung almost choked on his drink.

“W-wife?,” he croaked and gasped for breath.

“Don’t you want to settle down and start a family with her sometime after graduation?” Mrs. Kim seemed almost shocked at the thought that her son was not considering something like that.

“Of course I want to have a family with her,” he told his mother and then looked over at Hana, whose cheeks reddened again. He almost forgot that this was a charade, because his feelings were real. He loved to imagine him carrying her across the threshold in a white dress on the day of her wedding, and then, vaguely, a few children running around who looked just like the two of them. A boy and a girl, perhaps? Maybe they were able to agree on a name? After all, Hana had moved here and perhaps had completely different ideas about her future than he did.

“Then she should already know that she’s not buying a pig in a poke. He has terribly bad habits, you must know, Hana. We caught him once when he was 12 years old eating the cat’s food because we put him on a diet. As a child he was a bit chubby and hardly presentable.” Mrs. Kim seemed to enjoy pestering her son, because when Yoosung began to whine annoyed at not telling his secrets in advance, she suddenly started laughing out loud and Hana joined in.

Only Yoosung grumbled to himself and repeatedly wiped nervously with the back of his hand over his mouth.

Mrs. Kim apologized after a while and disappeared into the bathroom, whereupon Hana asked Yoosung to sit next to him. She leaned over to him and almost whispered so that his mother wouldn’t know. “Your mother is adorable.”

“You only say that because she can’t embarrass you,” Yoosung replied tense and sighed. “Thanks for standing by me. I never thought she would embarrass me like this.”

“I think it’s sweet... and you have nothing to be ashamed of. She said nothing bad about you. It’s nice that you two are so open about things, Yoosung. I wish my parents would treat me the same way.” Hana laid her head on Yoosung’s shoulder and carefully clung to his arm.

Yoosung’s head began to buzz as he felt the immediate proximity and heat of Hana. His blood flow was faster than during a 100 meter sprint and a lump formed in his throat. “It’s nice to be your alibi girlfriend, Yoosung.”

Before he could answer, his mother stepped out of the bathroom and clicked her tongue in satisfaction. “Well, if it isn’t a sight for sore eyes, dears.” Her eyes almost sparkled and she sat down without hesitation on the armchair where Yoosung had been sitting until recently. “How long have you two been together?”

Yoosung faltered and stared over at Hana. He hadn’t thought about that, and was there anything great he could tell? His fantasy was limited to reality... sometimes when he wished that a certain meeting with Hana would have resulted in him finally telling her the truth about his feelings for her, but now his head was so empty. Hana almost pressed herself against his arm and he felt her soft breasts and inhaled her wonderful scent. He had no chance to invent a good story or even to strain his head.

“It was a few months ago,” he heard Hana speak and her voice seemed completely relaxed. “We met at a party organized by an NGO. Yoosung and I were involved in the organization, but until then we only knew each other through texting.

“Ah, you must mean the organization that my niece Rika started at that time, right?” Mrs. Kim threw in and tilted her head.

“Right... I basically took over her position and Yoosung trained me... We got along well right away, but at the party... we hit it off. He stood on stage, gave a speech... I remember exactly how I thought, there’s an angel up there. He spoke very easily in front of the audience and won them over. It may sound corny... we knew each other for only 11 days before the party, but... it didn’t take me longer to fall in love with him.”

Yoosung’s heart leapt and he held his breath. His head was buzzing. He didn’t know how Hana could have made that story up, but... that was the story that described his feelings. When Hana had stepped onto the stage and welcomed the guests, his knees had been so flabby that he was afraid to lie on his nose at any moment. It was a brief moment before he realized that Hana had taken one of his hands in hers and was clinging to him.

“So you two have been a couple ever since,” Mrs. Kim asked, visibly delighted.

“No... that was a while off. I was too shy to ask him for a date. He felt so out of reach for so long... but I wouldn’t want to miss a moment with him. Even though I was too much of a coward. I enjoyed every minute with him,” Hana ended, interlocking her fingers with Yoosung’s.

Meanwhile, he grinned uncontrollably from ear to ear and felt like his chest would burst with pride at any moment. Though he couldn’t quite believe it, his heart decided to simply accept this story as being true and shower him with all sorts of happy, throbbing emotions of joy. He would have loved to kiss Hana, but he couldn’t. Not in front of his mother and not without confessing his feelings to her when they were alone together.

“That’s really heartwarming... it sounds like a beautiful fairy tale,” Mrs. Kim enthused and sipped her coffee. “And it’s good that I can’t disturb the young love too much with my stay.” She took a side glance at her suitcase.

“W-why?,” muttered Yoosung nervously, and he squeezed Hana’s hand gently, causing her to look up at him.

“Everything seems to be fine with you and you’ve found a beautiful and smart girlfriend, but to be on the safe side, I’ll stay one night anyway. After all, I did come all this way and even packed a suitcase.” Blessedly, Mrs. Kim smiled to herself and crossed her arms. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“H-hana is already sleeping here... her parents already know about it,” Yoosung tried to prevent the misfortune, but he could already see from his mother’s face that she wouldn’t let him change her mind.

“Never mind, I’ll sleep on the couch. You two beauties will be able to restrain yourselves for one night. I know what the youth of today is like ... The physicality is essential for you, but you can do that when I am gone again.”

Hana blushed and giggled at the bizarre situation, but she quickly recovered and bent over to look Mrs. Kim in the eye. “I’m glad Yoosung has such a devoted mother.”

“He’s my baby and I will worry about him forever, Hana. You’ll know when you become a mom yourself.” Mrs. Kim smiled peacefully. “All right... since I’m the one who’s intruding, I’ll do the cooking and the dishes today when you two go to the supermarket and work through my shopping list.”

* * *

Yoosung walked silently beside Hana and stared up at the sky. He was completely absorbed in his thoughts when the brunette suddenly started to lean on him and cleared his throat. “That story I told your mother...” She seemed to weigh her words well and Yoosung stopped.

“What about this? You told her just to convince her, right?” Although those weren’t the words he had been thinking up, they still came over his lips and he cursed internally at the same moment. Once again he fled from the thought that he could frighten her away with an innocent confession, and yet it distanced him from her more than he actually thought.

“Y-yes. You are right. We are... friends, aren’t we? It would be crazy...” Hana laughed affectedly and then let go of his arm. “Your mother is a kind woman. I didn’t want to disappoint her.”

Yoosung lowered his gaze and suddenly missed Hana’s touch. “Oh,” was all that came over his lips and he felt anger manifesting in his stomach. It was useless to argue with her... if she didn’t feel the same.

Before he knew it, they were standing outside the supermarket and Hana took a few steps. Yoosung took his phone out of his pocket and stared at the display. There was only one person who could help him in a situation like this.

Hana turned around inquiringly when she noticed that he was busy with his cell phone and tilted her head. “Seven is wondering about my mother. He also wants to wring Jumin’s neck,” Yoosung fibbed and grinned crookedly. “Why don’t you go ahead, I’ll be right behind you.”

Hana nodded and pulled out the shopping list.

Yoosung lowered his head and turned to the street so he couldn’t look after Hana like a kicked dog. His heart was pounding, but this time it was an unpleasant twinge. It took a moment before he heard the voice of the hacker.

“Seven? It’s me, Yoosung. I screwed up.”


	3. A common goal

He finally found Hana in the drugstore department. She was in the process of choosing a toothbrush and obviously couldn’t make up her mind. “It’s perfectly reasonable to take the one with the duck on it,” muttered Yoosung, who had sneaked up from behind silently.

Hana started up. “Yoosung! You can’t just snuck up on me like that. One day, my heart will stop,” she scolded him jokingly and slapped him on the upper arm.

“Just like when Seven and you tried to make me believe that I’d faint from too much caffeine and should better write my will,” Yoosung grinned and then cleared his throat. “Are you really going through with this?”

“Of course I do. It’s like a sleepover party... don’t you want me to sleep over?” Hana seemed sad, but that could be deceiving. After all, she could tell stories that made other people’s hearts jump out of their chests.

Yoosung smiled tiredly. “You don’t have to feel obligated... I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Y-yoosung. You are no burden to me. I like doing this and not because I feel any obligation to you. I want you to be happy.” A warm hand crept up on Yoosung’s cheek and the touch triggered a thousand little sensations in his body, but it only depressed him. Slowly he reached for Hana’s hand and let it sink slowly.

“My mother will send out another search party if we don’t return soon.” A tormented smile spread across Yoosung’s face and he took Hana’s shopping basket. It didn’t take long before they had everything they needed from the shopping list in the basket and Hana had gotten what she needed for the spontaneous overnight stay.

On the way back, however, they fell silent again, and even when she asked about the conversation with Seven, Yoosung just stifled the topic. However, he noticed that she was writing with Zen and this sparked an uncomfortable feeling in him. He knew it was jealousy, but he had no right to it. If Hana wanted to spend time with Zen, that was her very right.

Before they entered the apartment complex, Hana’s hand stole into his and he was inclined to withdraw it from her, but she only smiled broadly. “Your mother is watching us from the balcony,” she declared hoarsely and interlaced her fingers with his.

Inconspicuously, Yoosung let his gaze wander and stopped when he saw that his mother was still looking down at them blatantly. “Hana... may I... ask you something?”

The student tilted her head and stared up at him. “Anytime. What makes you ask me that all of a sudden?” She seemed to notice that something was wrong and stopped as well.

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” The question was surprising, but it wasn’t unpleasant for Yoosung. After all, they were playing a couple and he had no idea how far they would go, so he had to move forward.

“No... You?”

Yoosung could see that she was getting a little red around the nose and smiled narrowly. “Me neither... I just had a thought... but... Forget it.”

Yoosung must have made Hana curious because she reached into his jacket and wanted to stop him from going on. “No, wait. What... what kind of thought.”

“This act is not worth wasting your first kiss with someone like me,” Yoosung finally replied, scratching his cheek in embarrassment. “Anyway, my mother is probably waiting.”

“Yoosung...” Her grip became firmer. “It’s not a waste. I’d rather have it from you than... someone else.”

Again there was this palpitating heart that went on and on and the excitement in his fingers. He wanted to be the one to give her her first kiss. It would be the first time for both of them, but what did it matter if their feelings were not mutual? Yoosung put one hand on Hana’s chin and lifted it up so he could look her in the face.

Her eyes were glassy, her lips slightly open... the lovely blush on her cheeks looked really good on her. Slowly he lowered his face onto hers and stopped just a few millimeters above her lips. Instead of giving in to his desire, he decided at the last moment to place the kiss on her right cheek before he completely withdrew from her and, looking at the balcony window from the side, noticed that his mother had disappeared.

“Let’s go upstairs... I’m getting hungry.”

* * *

Mrs. Kim was already waiting for them when they entered the apartment door. “Baby, I’ve already hung the laundry and put your sheets in the machine,” Yoosung heard his mother speak. “You never messed them up like that during your puberty. We’re lucky it’s not dark and you can see every spot on it, huh?”

Yoosung sighed. His mother was a pure nuisance and she would spend the whole evening with him and Hana. This evening could only become a disaster.

Hana was strangely quiet until dinner and they only talked to each other over the messenger when someone else was in the room. However, they concealed the fact that she was in the same apartment. And when Zen got upset about Jumin’s audacity, Yoosung didn’t feel like scolding. His head was full of thoughts about Hana. Her story may have been made up, but she had touched him because she had addressed his very feelings. What she had called a fake story was his serious, sincere feelings towards her. It almost hurt that he even got involved with this thought.

He loved Hana and he was convinced that they were a good couple, although he sometimes believed that there was someone better for her. On the other hand, he also knew that he would do anything for her. So if she returned his feelings, he could do everything in his power to make her happy.

Just as he was leaving the chat, his cell phone vibrated and Seven’s name lit up.

To: Yoosung From: 707

Message: If you are so insecure and you have the opportunity, why don’t you try to finally win her heart over? LOVE LOVE, Super Yoosung. You have to do something about it. Enchant her. Impress her with your stats and slay a dragon for her.

Hana touched him and Yoosung jumped. “I guess we’re even, right?” she grinned and put her arms around him. “Your mother wants us to go out with her tomorrow. I want you to think of something nice for us, Yoosung.”

Before she could even catch a glimpse of the screen, he pressed the standby button on his cell phone and slipped it into his pocket. “Do you have something special in mind?”

“Anything that would make your mother happy?” Hana let her hands wander across Yoosung’s chest when she noticed Mrs. Kim staring over at them. Yoosung felt him tense up at the touch, but it only took him seconds to remember Seven’s words.

“I think I already have an idea. Do you have club activities tomorrow?”

Yoosung seized the opportunity and intertwined their fingers. Tenderly, he let his thumb slide over Hana’s thumb and looked at her delicate fingers. Until now, he had never had the opportunity to look at them up close. Back then, when they had hosted the game night and had played Finale Phantasy XXIX-II, he could hardly take his eyes off her. He never thought he would meet someone who accepted his hobby and took him as he was and maybe even had a say in it. A trustworthy person who understood him and didn’t think he was lazy and childish.

“The Literature Club meets after school, but I’ll sign out for tomorrow. I’m curious what you’ve come up with .” A smile adorned Hana’s lips and she pressed a kiss on his ear when she separated from him and returned to Mrs. Kim.

Yoosung’s heart almost stumbled and he was filled with excitement. Hana was a really good actress, but maybe he could win her heart after all. Maybe if he did well and marketed his boyfriend qualities, she would fall in love with him. He simply had to give everything to make her happy.

They sat across from each other at dinner, and Yoosung took the opportunity to reach for Hana’s hand every now and then and stroke it when his mother averted her gaze. It took some effort to caress Hana when his mother glanced directly at them, but if she caught them doing so, it was okay. A very strange feeling came over him.

Yoosung wondered if his mother believed them or if she had already figured them out, but she probably would have said something by now. His mother always spoke freely about what she thought and he had often been grateful to her for that. Admittedly... there were times when he cursed this trait, like on this day, but he could talk to his mother about almost anything.

“Have you thought about what we’ll do tomorrow, Yoosung?” Mrs. Kim took her son out of his thoughts and smiled crookedly.

“Yes... but it’s still a secret... After I pick Hana up from school, we’ll go.” Yoosung leaned back in his chair and stared thoughtfully at the empty bowl in front of him. “The food was delicious, thanks Mom.”

“I was thinking about making kimchi tomorrow ... wanna help me?” Mrs. Kim stood up and stacked the empty bowls in front of her.

“Of course I will.” Yoosung smiled narrowly and let his gaze wander over to the computer.

He had hoped that his mother would perhaps allow him an hour or two to play, especially since it was semester break at the moment, but he probably would have a guilty conscience anyway and would not be able to enjoy it.

After they cleaned up and did the dishes together, Hana apologized for an hour because she had something to do for school, so Yoosung and his mother had the opportunity to take a walk so as not to disturb her studying.

Mrs. Kim talked about all kinds of events that had happened in the last few weeks and that his younger sister Minsung had finally decided to become a teacher and that his father was currently very busy with his new job as principal. After what felt like an eternity, when the setting evening sun bathed the land in purple darkness, Hyunjung Kim finally cleared her throat and stopped. “Yoosung... You really love that girl, don’t you?”

Yoosung was surprised by the sudden change of topic but answered honestly and affirmed her question. “She is very precious to me,” he added and felt his cheeks burning with shame.

“If that is so... you should stop lying to yourself, Yoosung. Stop wasting your life on these games and take the university seriously. If you want to be a good man for her, you must think about your future.” She gently stroked his hair and then smiled.

“I... will... do my best, Mom. Really, I have the best intentions,” Yoosung finally admitted and turned her gaze away.

“I know that... you’re a lot like your father, although you may not believe it. He used to be just like you. He was a dreamer and only very late in life did he decide what to do with his life. When we found out that I was pregnant with you... suddenly he got the motivation and he worked like crazy to provide you with a good life. So I know you have it in you, Yoosung. You are still young and the world is wide open for you. If you want to quit medical school, think of something that will give you more pleasure... but make up your mind. If you can’t do it for your own sake, do it for Hana.”

“I will... I promised Rika. No matter what happens, I’ll be a vet and make sure no one has to suffer what Rika and Sally suffered, Mom. I can’t think of anything better than helping animals...” Yoosung felt the tears coming to his eyes, but he didn’t want to let them run free. Not in the open street, not in front of his mother. He wanted to be strong and grown up, but at the moment his emotions were flooding him.

His love for Hana, the regret he felt for Rika and the concern that apparently drove his mother crazy. There were so many people he disappointed with his behaviour and he hadn’t even noticed it.

“ It’s not too late... If you want something, grab it and hold on to it.” Mrs. Kim leaned up to her son and gave him a kiss on the cheek before giving him a hug. “You will achieve so much in your life if you just take the first step. And we will be infinitely proud of you, Yoosung. You’re our son, and we respect your privacy, even though we miss you terribly.”

“I’ll do my best to make you proud, I promise, Mom.” Yoosung put his arms around his mom and held her tight. She was right, she was absolutely right. He had the reins in his hand and he had let them slide since Rika’s death, even when such a wonderful person like Hana stepped into his life and reached out to him.

Maybe his goal had been lost at some point along the way, but it wasn’t too late to pick up the trail again and make something of it. He would stop playing LOLOL and concentrate more on college and maybe Hana could really consider him a man...

He would become someone to fall in love with and all he had to do was be braver. More determined. More disciplined.

“Mom, could we take a little trip to the mall?”

* * *

When Mrs. Kim and Yoosung returned, Hana was just about to stuff her school supplies back into her bag and greeted them both with a smile. She noticed that Yoosung was hiding something behind his back and Mrs. Kim left them alone in the hallway. Hana hung up her bag in the wardrobe and looked over at Yoosung questioningly.

“Hana... do you have a minute?”

“Sure... What’s it about? Did your mother suspect something?” Curious, Hana peered to see what Yoosung was hiding behind his back, but he only cleared his throat.

“No... but she washed my head thoroughly, you could say. I want to quit LOLOL and concentrate on my studies. Because you were the one who always stood behind me and didn’t push me to do anything ...” He pulled out a bouquet of flowers behind his back and presented it to Hana in gratitude. “You are my pillar of strength, Hana.”

Hana accepted the bouquet by surprise and was speechless. Her eyes were wide open and her cheeks slightly reddened. She trembled and lowered her eyes to her feet. “Th-this... Yoosung, you...”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything... I just wanted you to know that I am infinitely grateful to you. For everything.” Gently he pressed a kiss on her hair and pulled her into a slight embrace, but carefully enough not to damage the flowers. He felt the fingers of her free hand reach into his jacket and make her head sink against his chest.

Although he was reluctant to admit it, he would have to send Jumin a New Year’s card this year as a thank you, for better or worse.


	4. A stone’s throw away

The evening was coming to an end and Hana was about to take a bath. They had told his mother that Hana had left her overnight bag at home, so Yoosung had lent her a pair of pajamas that were probably too big for her. While she was freshening up next door, Yoosung started writing with Seven.

[Yoosung★ has entered the chatroom]

707: Yahoo, Yoosung! How’s it going?

Yoosung ★: Heya Seven! Pretty good... has Jumin shown up yet?

707: Negative... Jaehee just said he was still on the plane and wouldn’t land until around midnight.

Yoosung★: I see... Fortunately I could save the situation.

707: lolol... Did you do what we talked about?

[ZEN has entered the chatroom]

ZEN: Hello you two! Oops... where’s my sweet Hana? She’s usually here at this time of day...

Yoosung★: Your Hana? Pff... she is in the bathroom getting ready for bed.

ZEN: Why doesn’t she ever send me a picture... *sniff*

707: lolol... not everyone takes nude pictures in front of the mirror, like you...

ZEN: Not to mention that nudes also have a certain amount of aesthetics... how did you know about my pictures?

707: I’m the world’s best hacker, Zenny... I found them when I searched your phone for pictures for the Tripter Bot.

Yoosung★: What the... Please tell me that you don’t send Hana any pictures of you with your clothes off...

ZEN: I never intended to send her these pictures... I can’t dazzle anyone with this magnificence! That would be an offense!

707: lolol... I think I have to go to the kitchen and make myself a sandwich...

Yoosung★: Don’t leave me alone, Seven! T_T

707: See you later, Superman Yoosung! Don’t forget to kill the dragon!!

[707 has left the chat room]

Yoosung★: ... wretched traitor...

ZEN: Yoosung! The reason I came... you and Hana are sleeping together under the same roof tonight, right?

Yoosung★: Sort of. Why?

ZEN: You may be an eternal virgin, but keep your hands off her! A man and a woman shouldn’t sleep alone under the same roof... the danger is simply too high that this angelic and innocent creature will awaken the BEAST in you!

Yoosung★: ... My mother sleeps in the same room as we do... I think you can be reassured.

ZEN: You even sleep in the same room? You can hear her sweet snoring and you could do who knows what to her in your sleep. T_T Be a decent man and keep your fingers to yourself!

Yoosung★: I leave the rest to your imagination, Zen. Good night!

[Yoosung★ has left the chatroom]

His cell phone vibrated a few times after that, but he could imagine that Zen wanted to convince him to keep his hands off Hana. However, he couldn’t help but think that he would actually spend that night at her side. She wasn’t just a stone’s throw away... he could practically reach out and touch her... hold her in his arms... He felt heat burning on his cheeks.

The words of his mother came to his mind. The youth of today... of course they weren’t a real couple, but it wasn’t completely impossible, was it? Nervously he chewed on his lower lip and couldn’t concentrate on the book in front of his nose. He stared over to the balcony where his mother was probably on the phone with his father or Minsung.

Suddenly, Hana’s cell phone started vibrating wildly on his desk and Yoosung sighed. The screen lit up and he saw Zen’s photo flash up. A phone call... He didn’t like the fact that Hana got along so well with Zen, but he had no right to forbid her to do so. And he didn’t want to restrict her freedom either, but this stabbing jealousy made it hard for him to breathe. With trembling fingers he picked up his cell phone and typed a few words to Zen. “You don’t need to worry. I would never do anything to her that she didn’t want to do. I love her, you idiot.”

Before he knew it, the message was sent and he reread the lines. “ Well, isn’t that true, huh?” Hana’s phone stopped vibrating and instead, his own phone now wooed attention. Zen. He would certainly not answer it... Sighing, he turned it off and put it on the bedside table.

Suddenly Hana stood in the room, dressed in pajamas that were far too big and her hair slightly dried, with a towel over her shoulder and smiling at him. “Thanks for lending me something. The tub was really nice, too.”

“You look good... even if this seems a bit too big,” Yoosung replied and made room in the bed. “You want to lie down already?”

Hana looked at her feet and finally cleared her throat. “Yes...” Slowly she climbed into bed with him and moved up a little, so that she didn’t lie completely on the edge. “I’m a little nervous...” she finally admitted and giggled shyly. Her face was red like a tomato and similar to his, apparently in this awkward situation.

“Give me your hand, Hana...”, Yoosung took her hand and squeezed it lightly. He felt his own heart pounding in his chest, but an opportunity like this came only once and he didn’t want to let it pass. “I’m nervous too, but when you’re with me, my mind and body calm down very quickly.” He smiled and gently kissed her knuckles. “Good night, Princess.”

“Yoosung, I...”

“You two asleep yet?” Mrs. Kim pushed the balcony door shut and looked hesitantly over at the two of them, but neither of them answered.

Yoosung closed his eyes and just smiled to himself, so Hana did the same and squeezed his hand in turn. Around them, the light was switched off and they moved closer together. Yoosung could almost feel her breath on his skin and he had some idea what Zen meant. He had to pull himself together very hard not to kiss Hana.

His heart threatened to jump out of his chest and... suddenly, hands wrapped around his neck and a warm body squeezed against his. Hana buried her face at the crook of his neck and suddenly he put his arms around her waist.

Heat was building up inside him and he was afraid that she would notice what he felt for her because he was so nervous and his heart was beating so badly... beads of sweat formed on his forehead and he had to hold his breath to stop panting like a madman. Pure bliss streamed through his body and he felt Hana’s hands running through his hair. She had no idea what she was doing to him, so close together. He would lose control completely... “Hana...”, he whispered...

“I love you.”

* * *

When he opened his eyes the next morning, it was still dark around him and he felt the gentle breathing movements of the body in front of him. He had put his arms around Hana and her head rested on his chest. Her hair smelled like apples and was so soft. They were tightly intertwined and only slowly did he dare to stretch and take a look at the alarm clock. It was still early enough for him, but probably Hana’s alarm clock would ring at some point and disturb this cosy intimacy.

He wanted to absorb as much of this moment as he could. He wouldn’t get this chance again so soon... His thoughts drifted back to last night when Hana threw herself at him and he felt the need to kiss her... instead... he remembered another detail.

Those three important words. Had he been dreaming?

Hana’s skin was soft as he stroked her arms and absorbed every detail. Her eyelids fluttered for a moment and he thought she would wake up any moment, but nothing like that happened. She was probably dreaming...

“Dream of me...”

In the Messenger, it was so easy for him to flirt with her and to murmur sweet nothings... even on the phone he could say many things he wanted to say to her, but in the end he wanted to tell her the truth to her face.

“Smile for me when I see you again.”

If only he had had the guts at that time, after those 11 days, to just pull her close and kiss her, after he had spent days fearing for her safety... He had wanted to go with Seven to visit Mint Eye... he wanted Mint Eye to stop using Hana as a chess piece, but she had begged him not to interfere. In the end, he had never learned how Seven had crushed Mint Eye and why Hana had been relocated, but all that mattered to him was that she was safe.

Seven had caught the hacker and announced the safety of Hana and the RFA.

That was the end of the matter and neither Seven nor Hana would speak about it.

He was torn from his thoughts when the alarm clock made a deafening noise. The ring tone of Hana’s alarm clock was the opening credits of this Japanese animation series that was on everyone’s lips these days... She had been talking to Seven about the anime at some point during the past week... “Attack on Dwarfes”... Anyway, the opening seemed to be about food...

Quick as a flash Hana opened her eyes and a sleepy expression popped up on her face. The cell phone she had placed next to her on the bedside table was silenced and worried, she glanced over at Mrs. Kim.

Relief spread over her face when she realised that she still seemed to be asleep. Slowly, she let herself sink back into the pillows and only then noticed that Yoosung was watching her amused. “Good morning,” he whispered to her.

“Good morning, Yoosung.” Her voice still sounded husky, yet she somehow looked happy to see him.

“Did you sleep well?,” he asked and stroked a few strands from her face behind her ear.

Hana didn’t say a word but bedded her face in her hands. “Don’t look at me like that, I look terrible when I’ve just woken up...” Immediately she pulled a few strands of hair back into her face and nibbled around on her lower lip.

“I could get used to this sight... You are beautiful, Hana. Don’t hide.” Gently he let his hands slide through her hair and gave her an encouraging smile.

“You’re the first person I’ve met who can’t see anything with his eyes open,” Hana replied and grinned cheekily, whereupon Yoosung playfully pinched her cheeks and the two of them finally woke up Mrs. Kim while she was wobbling.

“What are you two doing,” she grumbled and looked sleepily out from under her blanket.

Meanwhile, Yoosung was kneeling over Hana and grabbing her wrists, and they both looked over at his mother, who had raised her eyebrow and looked at her critically.

“You can’t control yourselves for even one night,” Mrs. Kim sighed and sat up. “What time is it?” Yoosung felt the cold sweat of fear building up inside him, but he didn’t want to let it show and instead looked calm.

“It’s 6:15, Mom. Just lie back down,” Yoosung replied and quietly moved away from Hana to make himself comfortable next to her. “In the meantime, I’ll prepare breakfast.”

“My goodness, ten missed calls from Zen... I wonder what he wanted,” he suddenly heard Hana talking and the typical messenger sound of the RFA chat. Yoosung flinched and tried not to let on, but when the cell phone rang again, he dropped one of the eggs he had taken out of the fridge.

“Hello Zen, what’s up?” Yoosung knelt down and wiped his carelessness away. He was glad that no one could see his face because he couldn’t really bring himself to smile right now. Instead, he let out his frustration on the floor. Until his mother stood before him and looked at him questioningly.

“The floor really can’t help your carelessness, Yoosung. And especially not because you’re jealous,” his mother scolded him and knelt down to pinch his cheek.

“I’m not ... I’m jealous, but this guy she’s talking to on the phone is a complete disaster. He won’t stop flirting with her and calls her his Hana,” Yoosung whispered and stared at the shattered egg remnants. “She is not mine, but it is terrible when she talks to other men who have feelings for her.”

“Yoosung... she’s your first girlfriend... it’s normal to think that way. You think someone can take away what you have, but she seems loyal to you.” Mrs. Kim smiled thinly and lovingly brushed her son’s hair.

Yoosung lowered his eyes. If it hadn’t been a charade, he probably would have believed her, but he knew he had no right to be jealous. If she liked Zen, she would continue to write, talk or meet with him. “I don’t want to give her away anymore,” he said instead, only returning her smile. Tears gathered in his eyes and he had to use his sheer willpower to hold her back, but he succeeded.

“Just be the better man ... there’s not much more you can do. And if you are afraid, talk to her about it. She will not laugh at you. As long as you can talk to her about anything, you never have to be afraid.” Mrs. Kim stood up and cleared her throat. “Take her to school today. I’ll prepare breakfast and write a shopping list. Then you can pick up all the ingredients for Kimchi on the way back.”

“ All right,” Yoosung replied and rose to throw the leftover food in the trash can.

“Zen sometimes really has fantasies,” he heard Hana’s complaint as she nervously slipped through her hair. “He wanted to send me a screenshot to scare you, but in the end he couldn’t get it right and Seven didn’t want to help him either.” Sighing, Hana leaned over the counter and smoothed out a few strands.

“A screenshot? Haha... such a crazy oddball,” Yoosung mumbled, desperately looking for something in his closet that he could wear that didn’t look worn or nerdy. “By the way... do you mind if I walk you to school? I should go shopping on the way back, and then you can have some company...” Nervousness crept over him. If Zen meant his confession of love last night, then he had to manage to confess his feelings to Hana before this crazy actor did.

“That would be nice.” Hana smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek when he found something in the closet and turned around to her. “Then we can spend some more time together...”

When Yoosung went into the bathroom to get ready to go out, he noticed that a pink duck pattern toothbrush was in his toothbrush mug. Right next to it was the hair tie with the bow that Hana had worn yesterday and his hair pins. A smile crept up on his lips. Winning her heart would not be easy, but for this sight he would do his best.

He wanted her to give him her best smile when they saw each other again.


	5. Regret and other shameful events

Yoosung leaned against a pillar in front of the school building and looked over, lost in thought. The many students who walked past him just glanced at him before they disappeared. All this reminded him of his own high school days.

He had been a diligent student because it was expected of him. His parents had set the bar pretty high, since they were both teachers by profession, but even without their lessons, he always gave everything to make Rika happy. She had always wanted the best for him and had put on a smile to cheer him on. After her suicide, his good intentions had gone and he had locked himself up in the perfect world of LOLOL, had hardly left the door, had let the university slide from the beginning, for which he had worked so hard before...

No one understood this sudden change, because Rika was his cousin and not a lover, but how much he had become attached to her became clear to everyone in the time after her suicide and his graduation.

When he met Hana, he was a master in hiding his feelings from everyone. At least that’s what he believed until he started comparing Hana to Rika and thinking that she might take Rika’s place. As a party coordinator and maybe as a special person at his side.

_“I have the feeling that you favor me over the others here...”_

_“You are very much like Rika...”_

_“Rika also...”_

Hana had been hurt, very hurt. And she had angrily told him on the phone. She was not Rika and she would never replace her. Tearfully, she had confessed to him that she did not understand his unhealthy obsession and that she would distance herself if he did not stop comparing the two of them all the time.

Yoosung had made Hana cry and vowed never to give her a reason to do so again. The words of his mother had encouraged him. He had to become a better man... stand out, win Hana’s heart. Better than being Zen or any other man who courted her.

He was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts as warm fingers were placed on his eyes and Hana stood beside him. “ You don’t hear a thing, you don’t see a thing... please tell me you haven’t forgotten how to speak as well,” she giggled.

She was much smaller than him and had to get on her toes to reach him, but Hana always achieved what she set her mind to. A gentle smile adorned his lips and he pulled her into an embrace. “It is good to see you...”

Surprised, she gasped up, buried her face on his chest and probably was uncomfortable, openly, but she didn’t mention anything.

“I hope you didn’t have to wait long. The teacher wanted to see me... for career counseling.”

“I also just arrived a few minutes ago,” he faltered and let his fingers wander through her loose hair. “Do you have time and desire for a trip now, My Lady?” Provocatively, Yoosung took her hand and kissed it softly before bowing elegantly before her.

“N-naturally!” Ashamed, Hana stared at her feet and stroked a few hairs behind her ear. “Y-your mother is not around, why...”

“I want to make you happy, Hana,” he replied seriously and let go of her hand. Yoosung knew he was going out on a limb, but he had chosen to win her heart... He would not back down until she told him once and for all that his efforts were fruitless.

On the way back, they both fell silent and Yoosung wondered if Zen had been able to send this screenshot by now, but Hana seemed no different to him than usual. She was a little quieter on the way back, but she probably just enjoyed the peace and quiet after all the hustle and bustle.

Maybe what he had planned to do with her would distract her a little.

* * *

His mother was as excited as ever and tried to find out where they were going since she was picked up, but Yoosung enjoyed not telling her until they finally stood in front of the impressive residence. The word “animal shelter” was written above the door and he watched Hana’s reaction and that of his mother closely.

Hana seemed confused, but she smiled, so it was a good sign. His mother seemed to know exactly what he was trying to do and she cleared her throat. “And I thought you had already given up volunteer work. It’s good to see that you’re still working hard.”

Yoosung just grinned and pushed the door open. It felt like he hadn’t been here for a long time, but the smell was the same... even the furniture in the hallway hadn’t changed much. The same tasteful landscapes hung on the walls and on the counter were twenty fancy flyers about various events and charities.

At the desk sat a woman unknown to him, about his age, who was hammering energetically on the keys of her computer and then looked up curiously at the newcomers. “Good afternoon, what can I do for you,” she asked friendly.

“Hello... I called yesterday and made an appointment with Mrs Chun. We wanted to help you out a bit too...” Yoosung knew that his mother was happy to help and the local shelter had been struggling for years to get all the work done, he knew that financing was difficult and that there were not enough funds available to ensure a good life for the animals in the long run.

In a way, he caught two birds with one stone. His mother was happy to be able to do something and he was able to bring Hana on board to have someone on his team for the next RFA charity that could possibly support this shelter.

Mrs. Chun, the director of the shelter, was delighted to see him back and immediately offered the three of them a cup of coffee in her office.

“I never thought I would see you again, young man,” she murmured amusedly to Yoosung, who looked around the room. “You looked terrible last time, and I thought you‹‹d give it all up. But apparently you have changed completely... How do you say, new hair color, new life?

“I tried to talk him out of it,” Mrs. Kim admitted and smiled crookedly. “My son has a mind of his own.”

“Anyway, it’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Kim. Yoosung and Rika have told me so much about you. It’s as if I already know you.” Mrs. Chun returned the smile and then looked at the next visitor. “It’s nice to meet you too, Miss...”

“Hanabi Hayashi,” Hana replied and bowed politely.

“Are you Japanese, Miss Hayashi?” Mrs. Chun asked with interest.

“Yes, my father found work here, so we moved here when I was 12. You could say I have settled in,” Hana joked and then interlocked her fingers in her lap.

Yoosung looked at Hana for a moment. She seemed tense, but she tried to cover it up by smiling excessively, and when the subject finally fell on the work that Mrs. Chun and her coworkers were doing, she seemed visibly more relaxed. However, when she noticed Yoosung staring at her, she averted her gaze.

It took a while as the two women obviously had a lot to talk about, but eventually Mrs. Chun dismissed Hana and Yoosung so that the two of them could go for a walk.

Yoosung and Hana each got a dog on a leash and were sent on a walk. The shelter was located a bit out of town on a hill leading into a small forest. Here the dogs could run and dig at will.

“Yoosung... you often came here with Rika, didn’t you?” Hana finally asked, lost in thought.

“Yes... She said it was important to give someone a smile... to do something good and I would clear my head when I did something non-profit. He lowered his eyes because it was uncomfortable to talk about Rika after Hana had blocked this topic.

“She was really good to you,” Hana realised and a strange expression appeared on her face. She let her gaze wander and lowered it so that her hair fell into her face.

“After what Seven found out, it was all a mask,” Yoosung finally explained and sighed softly. “I thought this place would bring back memories, but... I was wrong about one thing.”

“What was it?”

“I always thought this place was special because of Rika, but... it has its own atmosphere. It calms me down and gives me the chance to sort my thoughts. The intense smell of the forest and the silence prove that there is much more that we don’t value... I suspected that at the time, but it is only now that I can say it with certainty.” Yoosung looked at the line in his hand and sighed. “I regretted at that time that I couldn’t even break out of this life. And today I regret that I let myself go in the last months. This forest is messing with my mind.”

“I wondered why you chose this place of all places and I felt bad when I heard that you were here with Rika. I’m afraid I’ll lose you to the memories of her, Yoosung.” He felt Hana hooking up with him and bedding her head on his upper arm.

“You won’t lose me to anyone. I just wanted to show you this beautiful place and make my mother happy. I thought if I came here and felt remorse then I would finally be able to...” Suddenly Yoosung faltered and felt his cheeks getting hot. What was he about to reveal himself? Was this really the right place to confess his feelings to Hana?

Excitement gripped Yoosung and he turned his gaze away. He felt that if he looked at Hana now, everything would pour out of him. She had to say something... make a joke, cover up the situation...

“If you have regrets, Yoosung, tell me about them. Maybe I can give you some advice.” He and Hana had stopped and the dogs were digging in the leaves. It was quiet and only occasional animal noises interrupted them.

“If I tell you about it, you will turn away from me, Hana. I need more time... more time... to change your mind...” Yoosung just whispered it, but apparently she understood every single word.

“I would never turn my back on you. You know that. We’re a team!” She smiled encouragingly and looked up at him.

“Hana, I want to ask you out on a real date... no charades... nothing friendly. I want you to think of me as a man, and...” Yoosung faltered. He had probably already said too much and Hana became unusually quiet. Lately, she appeared to be lost in thoughts as well, although she was always joking and quick-witted. Maybe his thoughtfulness rubbed off on her?

“And?” The words just came over her lips and she didn’t avoid his gaze. Strained, she looked up at him and a tortured expression ruled her face.

“I love it... when you brush your hair back or straighten your glasses... and when you laugh, the sound of your voice... and you are beautiful, even when you are angry about something. Then there is this little wrinkle on your forehead... even when you cry... you radiate a unique aura.” Yoosung had to swallow because he felt insecure. He had imagined things differently. He thought of words he wanted to say to Hana when he confessed his love to her, but all kinds of foolishness came tumbling out of him. She had to assume that he was a stalker or a creep.

But Hana didn’t say a word. She just stood silently in front of him and let go of his arm. Her gaze was lowered, she didn’t make a sound. He sensed that she was trembling, but he couldn’t estimate what she was thinking. But he didn’t want to back out either. Of course, he could claim that it was all just a stupid joke and that he had tried to recite some cheesy scene from a movie and annoy her, but... he didn’t want any more misunderstandings.

“I love you, Hana.” Unmistakably.

A sob cut him off. Nervously, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly. “Hana? Please say something...”

A bad feeling overcame Yoosung and panic flooded through him. Was Hana crying? “P-please... talk to me.”

“Yoosung, you idiot...” Hana croaked and pushed him away. “How could you... all this time... I thought... we were friends, and then...” She buried her face in her hands and tears rolled down her cheeks.

“We are friends and can still be if you...”

“After this confession, do you really think we can still be friends?” Hana wiped her eyes and suddenly the corners of her mouth twitched. A laugh rang out and it took a moment for Yoosung to realise that Hana was the one responsible. At first he thought he had misheard her, but when she suddenly buried her face in her hands again and the sound was muffled, he was sure.

He didn’t have the guts to ask why. She seemed absent-minded and the next moment she threw herself at his chest. “This is totally insane... why... why... why have you never said anything,” he heard her whisper.

“I... wanted to tell you. At the RFA party. But... I wasn’t brave enough. All the bad qualities... that I have, I wanted to get rid of them for you, but I couldn’t. So I thought, ‘I can’t do you justice’.” Fearful, Yoosung put his hands around Hana, worried he might break her if he grabbed her too tight.

“We’re a team... You shoulda told me. Together we can do whatever, remember?” Hana grabbed him by the jacket and forced him to look at her. “I’ll tell you again with all my heart... but I love you.”

Yoosung thought back to last night and the words came back to his mind. Maybe he hadn’t dreamt. It was as if his heart was following a different beat since she had pronounced the words so clearly.

“Are you serious?”

“Was it yours when you listed the things you liked about me?” Hana’s hands found her way along his neck and just below his ears she stopped and gently stroked his cheeks with her thumb. “You really love me?”

Yoosung felt a lump forming in his throat, but a cough saved him. “Close your eyes...” The heart in his chest started to burst and he had to take a few deep breaths to gather himself. Hana willingly closed her eyes and put on a smile.

He grabbed Hana by the shoulders and bent down to her. He could hardly believe his luck... sharing his first kiss with the person he loved. The world around her faded away. But before he could bring himself to cover her soft lips with his, he felt a firm pull on the leash and loud barking sound.

When he looked at the dogs, he recognized the outline of a person in the distance. Immediately he loosened his grip and Hana also opened her eyes. The person approached them slowly. Was it his mother or...

“Zen?” croaked Hana, and Yoosung also recognized the slender figure with the finely cut face and the white prominent hair. How much he hated this self-indulgent guy.


	6. The Paradise

Unconsciously he grasped Hana’s hand and stared hostilely at Zen. In the past, he had found him to be pleasant company, after all, RFA was something like a family and Zen like a brother to him. But regret and jealousy had made it difficult for him to continue to see him as such. For Yoosung, Zen was a rival because he was flirting with the woman of his dreams. Although he knew that Zen was a womanizer and flirted with every beautiful woman, every time he saw them flirting in the chat room, his mind turned black.

Of course, he laughed at Zen in the chat and let him know that he was behaving typically again, but in reality, he sometimes raged with jealousy. If he was in bed late at night and Zen came into the chat room while Hana was there, he would tear his pillow and twirl furiously from side to side.

The cheerful Chat Yoosung, on the other hand, smiled at the flirting. If only he could really shrug it off... Sometimes he wished he could be above it all. But when it came to people he loved, he became unfair. He knew that himself.

After all, he couldn’t forgive V to this day and the last months had been hard for him.

“What a coincidence running into you two here. And just in time, I saw that Yoosung wanted to try to lay hands on you. I have the best timing in the world,” Zen greeted the two and grinned charmingly. “He didn’t do anything you didn’t want to do, did he?”

“You’re actually the troublemaker,” Yoosung wanted to say, but he kept his nasty words to himself.

“Thanks for trying to protect me, Zenny. But I can take care of myself, I promise. I’m a big girl.” Hana smiled thinly and stroked the back of Yoosung’s hand with her thumb as if she wanted to calm him down.

“If he comes near you unintentionally, then...”

“I won’t, Zen.” Yoosung smiled tortured and moved a little closer to Hana, almost as if he wanted to mark his possessions. He knew that this gesture was childish, but he felt the need to demonstrate it to Zen.

“Actually I just wanted to clear my head and go to my favourite vantage point, but this is much more interesting. Since when did you two... You could have told me, Hana.” Zen smiled ambiguously and came a step closer to petting the dogs.

“Sooner or later you would have known,” she replied, shaking her head.

“So my sweet little Hanabi is taken, huh? What a pity...”, they heard Zen murmuring.

Yoosung felt an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, almost as if a knot was forming or anger was building up. He had to restrain himself, otherwise he would surely beat the hell out of Zen. But he couldn’t explode in front of Hana. Perhaps it was still possible to convince Zen in a peaceful conversation among men that it wasn’t right to flirt with another man’s girlfriend.

Hana glanced at him, raised an eyebrow questioningly, as if she was waiting for his reaction. Or maybe she expected him to say something.

“We have to go back now, Hana,” he said instead. “Sorry we can’t make time for you, Zen.”

“What a pity...maybe we should have coffee together soon? The three of us?” Zen grinned smugly and then cleared his throat. “Come here, Hana. Let me give you a hug.”

Reluctantly, Yooung let go of her hand as Zen pulled her into an embrace that, to his taste, was clearly too long and too affectionate. Zen’s hands moved down Hana’s back and lingered just above her buttocks. Yoosung could practically feel the vein pulsating on his forehead.

Zen noticed that Yoosung was upset and let Hana go. “I truly wish both of you all the best in the world. Yoosung, treat Hanabi well. I hope you meant what you said in the message yesterday.” With a wink, he reached out to Yoosung, hugged him and then bid farewell to the dogs. “See you later.”

Yoosung grabbed Hana’s hand and smiled narrowly at her. “I’m sorry... I’m a little jealous when someone wooes you like that... Uh... I mean, we should go back.”

“Yoosung, I’m all yours. You have nothing to worry about,” Hana replied without hesitation and returned his smile. The dogs seemed to have felt the spirit of departure as they pranced happily around them both. Hand in hand they walked back to the shelter where Yoosung’s mother was already wrapped in a horde of rabbits waiting for them.

* * *

“If your dad didn’t have this damn animal hair allergy, I’d take some of them with me,” she complained as they made their way home.

The evening sky let the city shimmer in an orange and golden light and there was a cozy atmosphere. “The fresh air seems to have been good for both of you...,” Mrs. Kim remarked casually.

“You could say that,” Hana replied and stroked the back of Yoosung’s hand gently. He replied by gently bumping into her as he walked and grinning at her from both ears.

“When your father and I were young, we could hardly keep our hands off each other, so I guess you have to let your feelings out every now and then... maybe I should leave soon and not bother you any more...”

“Mom!”, Yoosung hissed embarrassingly and his cheeks glowed.

“Don’t be shy...” his mother muttered and smiled amused. “Hana... let me tell you if my son behaves unseemly to you or forces himself on you...”

“Mom!” Hana and Mrs. Kim both had to laugh when they saw Yoosung’s bright red head.

“He’s a gentleman,” Hana finally replied, interlocking her fingers with his. “You’ve raised him very well.”

“After Mr. Han’s call, I doubted it a little, but he’s really in good hands... and if he pays attention to what you say, he will probably stay that way. Yoosung needs someone to guide him or he’ll get lost.” Mrs. Kim sighs. “Hopeless like his father.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay by his side...” Hana finally murmured.

Yoosung knew that Hana wouldn’t stay with him forever, yet it was unpleasant to say goodbye to her in the evening. He had accompanied her all the way home and they stood silently in front of her apartment door. Only the sound of the elevator could be heard and one of the lights in the hallway flickered incessantly.

“I would invite you in, but...”

“My mother... I know. She’s looking forward to me being back soon...”

A narrow smile appeared on Hana’s face. “A shame Zen interrupted us today, huh?”

“You’re right... I could still... Um... well. There’s nothing I can do.” Yoosung scratched his cheek briefly. Why did she mention that name again? It almost drove him crazy to think that Zen had stopped them from...

“Oh...”, the blond finally cleared his throat. “Maybe we could... catch up?”

“N- now?”

“Yes.” Yoosung leapt up to Hana and put her hands in his. He felt that his hands were all sweaty and rough compared to her soft, warm fingers. The excitement of being so close made his whole body shake and his heart did tumbling somersaults. He had never felt like this before in his life and his knees were shaking.

Hana was all flushed and trembling as well. She buried her hands in his jacket and looked up at him nervously. “At last...” she whispered.

Yoosung couldn’t help but grin at those words and he leaned his forehead against hers. “This is really long overdue... I should have kissed you at the party.”

A moment of his life was spent admiring the woman he was about to kiss. With his hand, he gently stroked her lips before sweetly kissing her.

And it was as if his whole body was tingling from that single touch. It was probably the most innocent kiss of all. Hana buried her hands in his hair and he held her tightly as well. With a beating heart and a buzzing head, they parted and stared at each other breathlessly.

She looked very confused and her eyes were so glassy as if she couldn’t hold back the tears. “Hey, don’t cry. Smile for me, Hana... Smile for me when we meet again.”

“ Don’t ever abandon me, do you hear? I... love you so much, Yoosung. You’re my light.”

Yoosung had to bend over when she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed at his chest. He never wanted to make her sob again.

“They are tears of joy,” she murmured, as if she could read his thoughts. “I just can’t get a grip on my happiness.”

“I know, I know...” replied Yoosung as he gently stroked her hair. “I promise to be a better man and take care of you. And you will chase your dreams. Write your book and enchant them all.”

“And what about your dream?”

“It’s already been fulfilled with you... and if we get married some day... or start a family, it can only become more beautiful.” Hana let go of him hesitantly and wiped the fleeing tears from her face.

“That’s really too corny for me, Yoosung,” she laughed and slapped him on the chest, “Try again tomorrow... and take good care of your mother. She’s a gift.”

“I know... see you tomorrow, Princess.” He took her hand and kissed her knuckles before stepping away. “And remember... smile for me when we meet again.”

Hana smiled joyfully and waved at him as he disappeared in the elevator and the doors slowly closed. Reluctantly, he pushed the button to the first floor and stared at his cell phone. A message for him flashed up in the RFA app and when he opened it, he could see Hana’s name lit up. A smile adorned his lips and he tapped the message with anticipation, but it didn’t open. “Hmm... I think the app is stuck...”

Just as he was about to return to the main menu, the screen suddenly turned black and a green font manifested itself on a dark background.

“Are you ready for paradise, Yoosung Kim?”

 **[ Yes ]** [ No ]


End file.
